Feelin' Guilty

No, it's not a Simon & Garfunkel song. It's what you have done to me.

I am cassette man, and I feel like I've let you down, myself down, and the entire internet down.

I promised a cassette a day, and I didn't deliver. You gotta understand that this responsibility hangs heavy, and that lorazepam and diazepam I ordered from that internet site (which coincidently has gone & 404'd on me) has still not arrived.

I don't know how to make it up to you. If you live locally I could pleasure you sexually, or perhaps entertain you with some of my witty anecdotes about cassette tape usage in the late seventies. I cant turn back time, and I'm unable to right this wrong. But you don't HAVE to make me feel so bad about it, that I end up entertaining thoughts of self-harm. Just get off my back will you? An email flooded in earlier today, and I would go as far to say that it was hate mail, which is a bit strong considering I'm only doing this for other peoples benefit, I could be doing something else with my valuable time. I actually have a dozen blogs on the go, some even more interesting and important than this one. I am constantly giving. I give myself to the world. I am lying on the altar of the cyber highway, a sacrificial offering to the web gods. I bear my soul and give. I ask nothing in return apart from your unconditional love - not much really.

So my day has been ruined because I feel so guilty about letting the twenty first century internet friend bots I have got, lie helpless in their e-urine sodden beds.

So all I can do is offer you some extra cassette tapes for now. If you can think of anything I can do to make it up to you please electronic post me and explai

n how I can make things better; I leave myself open for you (but please don't insert anything

into any orifices I may or may not have thankyoupleaseverymuch). [Unless it's a Thursday, as I usually have a colonic towards the latter part of the week.

Please observe this beautiful collection I have for your delight, enjoyment, and consumption (in no order, explanation to follow). PLEASE LOVE ME OR SOMETHING. Below,a Hi-Fi C90, a Konig 'Tape Path Mirror' (4910), a Galin D90, a Maxel LN C60, a Philips "STUDIO QUALITY" C90 (manufactured in Belgium), an eastern European MK60 (-1d1), an Opus UD90, a Poisk 1 (a very small amount of these actually ever made it to market, btw, fyi) :

The layout of these cassettes

is a complete mess.

This is due to my nerves being shot to pieces after a day of guilt. I hope this doesn't distract from your enjoyment of these pieces of modern art.

The next collection will be layed out in a much more aesthetically pleasing manner. I am sure that my delivery from WebRxMeds will have arrived by then.

My very best wishes, and my most sincere apologies, and cyber huggles for all my internet friend bots. You have always been there for me, and I shall endeavour to always be here for you.

Please don't send me any more hate mail, I live with my mother and she has enough on her plate. If you have to send hate mail, then please include at least one passage about chaining me up to a tree in a see-through plastic mac, in one of London's many pretty and well thought out parks. My associate will be in charge of the next entry, and I'm fairly sure you prefer him to me (he lives with his mother too, but has a scooter and walks with a cane)